My word for 2014 is time.
Making time for things that I want to do, dedicating enough time to my work, finding time to relax, taking my time and not rushing through the day.
I could have had a whole host of words; calm, changes, positivity, brave, embrace, thrive but this year I want to focus on time.
I learnt a lot in 2013, I also changed a lot. And these changes haven't particularly come in my habits and routines but in my attitudes and the thoughts inside my head.
It's not something I have particularly talked about before, probably because it took a while to admit it to myself, but I have struggled with anxiety and stress for many years. I am a natural worrier and to me little things can become big problems very quickly. I could ruminate for hours, days, over something trivial that someone said or didn't say. I would worry about whether I had planned things well enough for the future. It could be little things like 'would I make my train and have time to get lunch and pop into a certain shop?' that would make me feel physically anxious, or it could be bigger things like 'where am I going to live next year? What if I never get it sorted before I have to move?' that just roll around in my mind. I also found that my anxiety began to increase in social situations and I could seem withdrawn when in groups. And sometimes I can still feel these worries, but that is normal.
I think what I found hardest was saying I had anxiety meant that I wasn't in control, and I hated not having control. So I decided to make a change. I decided that I didn't want to let my mind be in control and instead I wanted to be.
Since then I have taken a number of steps to help myself. I started to go to mindfulness mediation sessions which were put on several times a week by my university, and they are the best thing I have ever done. It teaches you how to take a step back from the busyness of life and the busyness of your own mind. It has taught me how to live in the now. Even though I only go once a week I have been able to apply this to areas all across my life. I feel calmer and more relaxed because of it. I would recommend it to anyone.
I have also been more open and have started to share how I feel with others. This was a big step for me but it has helped me to feel more comfortable and confident. I am lucky to have the family and friends around me that I do.
So back to my word. I want to give myself time to carry on with the changes that I have already made. This may mean taking a few moments each day just to breath and relax or it may be sitting down with a book to inspire me or maybe even taking up yoga as a way to focus. I want to take time to appreciate what I have now. Stop worrying about the things in the past that I cannot change and keep learning to just let things happen in the future.
I also think I might buy something as a little reminder to myself of how far I have come with the changes I have made and the journey I still have to go through. I love the simplicity of these bands and may get the 'Live In The Moment' or 'Breathe' quote.
I was inspired to write this post by a number of things. Firstly this post that Rosie wrote a few days ago which really struck a cord with me and I have already bought Eat, Pray, Love onto my kindle to read. And then I came across a post on Stephanie's blog which she had written as part of #making2014count and I decided to use one word rather than a list of things I want to achieve this year. You can find more details and get involved in the link up on Kelli's blog.
I would love to know if you have written a post like this or to hear about your journeys.